January 21st, 2009: "Human Resources"

[Citi]

Here I go again, alienating parts of my readership. Trust me folks; if you are an exec or HR person and are reading web comics... I'm not talking about you. Just the very fact that you read web comics removes you from the pool of folks I'm discussing.

That said, I can't stand HR people. I think you have to be at least a little bit mean to be an HR person; just my opinion. I know cops, doctors, lawyers and psychiatrist have to maintain a professional detachment because if they don't their criminals', victims', clients' or patients' real life tragedies will eat up their whole world. I get that; and I know that because of the difficult decisions HR people have to make it only seems logical that they would have to maintain a professional detachment as well.

But the difference I see is that in the case of the aforementioned professions; victims', patients and clients are coming to them to seek help with an issue they already have. The criminals tend to bring their problems on themselves. But with HR; they inflict corporate policy on the people who work for the company; and I think you have to be a little bit mean to do that job.

Even the name "Human Resources" reduces the miracle of human existence to the level of a ream of copy paper. "Hey we're almost out of assembly line workers... have Human Resources call our distributor and order a couple truckloads for next week; we have a lot of orders to fill."

You can usually tell a company that has a particularly brutal corporate culture by the way they represent their HR department. If they try and make you believe that HR is there to help you; "the worker", then you're probably screwed. Because anyone with an ounce of brains knows that HR is a corporate tool used to control employment costs and enforce corporate policy. And if they are trying to pull that particularly ratty wool blanket over your eyes then this is probably just the beginning of the fun.

I once saw an assistant HR director take the HR director to lunch so she could tell the old guy that he was fired and she was taking his job. I consider that the moment in my life when I finally understood irony. It is the corporate equivalent of your young eating you.

I'm sure everyone and his mother are talking about yesterday's inauguration. I'm not going to bother. I'm sure with a bit of surfing you can find much smarter people saying much smarter things. And frankly I'm not really all that interested in what our new president had to say, nor am I all that interested in what the pundits and media had to say about what he had to say. I just want the man to get to work. Do his thing and get this country back on track.

A word on site functionality: try as I might I can't seem to get you folks to use our forum. It's like potty training a kitten that just won't use the litter box. So Chadm1n and I have decided to create a potted plant that you can pee in until you get more used to the sandy texture of the cat litter. Too subtle a metaphor? Let me explain. You will notice below the comic and the blog that there is now a link to "comments." Hit this link and give us your thoughts on the comic, blog or whatever. You can post anonymously and all we ask is that you fill out a Captcha to prove you are not robotic.

Should you enjoy the discourse then please, adjourn to our spacious forum. Go through the arduous registration process (OMG E-mail verification!) and spill your guts to your hearts' content. Seriously; Citi and I are in there most of the day just yelling "echo" and listening to it reverberate off the walls. We could use some company. I promise not to tell your boss you are screwing off at work. Pinky swear!

See you back here Friday when we find out if Artur will hit his HR guy or not. And remember, with six panels instead of the normal three, each panel is half the size; so if you want to see the comic bigger just click on it and our viewer will expand it to the maximum size your browser will allow. Have a good one!